lotus eater

by Kylie V

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about

"lotus eater" is a collection of songs self-recorded by me in late 2018 :)

this was such an adventure to create and i'm so happy to share it with everyone. hope you enjoy!! ::))

all songs recorded on unceded semiahmoo/katzie/tsawassen/tsleil-waututh/wsanec/kwantlen territory, thank you

special thanks to my dad matt van slyke, tim, celina, james, raf, natasha, all my friends, and peach pit <3

credits

released December 16, 2018

drums on fire belly toad, midheaven, strathcona, and tansy by matt van slyke
everything else by kylie v

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Kylie V Vancouver, British Columbia

(they/them!)
nice soft queer indie folk rock.
debut lp coming early 2020 on kingfisher bluez!
<3

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Track Name: fire belly toad
i am a fire belly toad
i am everything you know
and i'm everything you don't
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

i am a fire belly toad
soothe my skin leave me some gold
feed me algae let me go
swimming swimming oh oh oh

there's something inside of me
call it the fire i breathe
i'm chewing but i have no teeth
you will never be done with me

i am a yellow belly newt
tell me things you know aren't true
write me stories just for you
let me do what i can do

i am a fire belly toad
soothe my skin leave me some gold
feed me algae let me go
i am what you want to know
Track Name: strathcona
if i died tomorrow you wouldn't forgive me
if i died tomorrow who wouldn't forget me
if i died tomorrow you all would remember
if i died tomorrow you would never see me again

and pick those cherries and plums
and pick raspberries and leaves
and dance away your fucking fears
and dance away your worst last years

i see the cats on kingsway and kitsilano
i see the storms coming in from the mountains
i see my eyes in the flowers
i see my body in the pavement

i see the green i see the blue
i see the plants and dirty shoes
this is my heart's little home
this is whatever i can do

strathcona
strathcona

woo!!

mind the gap between the happening and the realization
it turns out you can still see my ribcage
i never want to live when i am anywhere else
and i take that as a sign
that this life will be mine.
Track Name: lucy
i have internalized all of my bad feelings
i don't feel good inside i feel bad
i don't feel bad inside i feel good now
i have learned my lesson

i have learned to comprehend the origins of feelings
i still don't know where you came from
i still don't know why i feel like this
i have yet to learn my lesson

i don't remember you
i don't remember you
were you a family photo
were you a family dog
were you a girl with whom i fell in love
lucy, lucy

i am so sorry
i'm bleeding from my nose
it's on the tile
on the tile
i have yet to see my clock run out
i have yet to see my clock run out
Track Name: protection society
look into your earnest little
golden eyes
tell me something that i didn’t
realize
leave you out a bowl on the
kitchen floor
got you, i got you,
want some more

i! am sick and tired!
won’t you be the one i hold!
i am getting so nervous
and you’re getting so old

what if i’m an exception
what if i’m an exception
what if i’m an exception
can i be an exception?

society of protection
protection, protection
society of protection
can i be your protection
Track Name: midheaven (demo)
it comes in waves just like the ocean
it comes in waves and i wish it didn't
i clean my room for virgo season
i think of this and have no reason

if you don't love your life you'll never
get a life
if you don't love your wife you'll never
get a wife
if you don't know yourself you'll never
love yourself
you'll never love yourself
or maybe someone else

it comes in waves just like the ocean
i will wade my way through the ocean
just to find the people that i love the most
i will walk barefoot on rocks and glass
just to find

midheaven in libra
i'm going to hell

you better love your life
or you'll never get a life
you better love your wife
or you'll never get a wife
you better know yourself
or you'll never love yourself
you'll never love yourself
or maybe someone else
Track Name: anxious
my favourite thing to do is be sad
because when i’m sad i get angry
and i like writing about my anger

i’m so tired of being anxious
cause when i’m angry i’m anxious
and i cant write when i’m anxious
and i cant sing when i’m anxious
and my mom is gonna listen to this song
and she’s probably gonna ask me what’s wrong
and i’m gonna say that it’s just what i am
this is who i am

there is no god
i like your socks
i have no fear
so! much! fear!
i cannot breathe
your words don’t speak
they make me angry
so angry i cry

my favourite thing to do is be happy
because when i'm happy i feel good
and when i'm not i feel so bad
i feel so bad
i feel so bad

i'm so tired of feeling sick
i wish my feelings went away
because with every passing day
i fall for more and more
i'm so tired of feeling sick
i feel my body spilling out
i feel my legs collapsing
oh no oh no

there is no pain
i feel your love
i have no fear
so! much! fear!
i cannot fly
you make me cry
you make me smile
you make me cry

oh no oh no

oh no no no
Track Name: tansy (demo)
didnt you hear what i said
i said i'd never love again
i'd never quite made peace with the fact
i'm never seeing you again

guess you don't hear the things i say
it's like i'm locked up anyway
you know i'm fucked up that's okay
i might just not get up today

and keep it all together
i love it way too much
i'm holding all together
i love you way too much

this belongs to me
growing strawberries
spearmint
memento mori
and tansy tea

i've learned too much
a bowl of strawberries
pen ink
high priestess
and tansy tea
Track Name: psychosomaticism
make me out of things you'd never say to me
i am what the world thought you'd always be
sick of playing tricks but i am nobody
think of all the times you've begged 'someone kill me'

have i been changed for the better?
have i been felt altogether?
have i been seen as a person?
are we unknowingly well-versed in
the psychosomatic touch of a hand in the summertime
did you know me in a different life
because now
you are only a friend of mine

you are only pulling me through this
with the blue water and the thick delays
with our lungs full of smoke
we will be all right because we are okay

and make me out of things you'd never say to me
i am what your parents thought you'd always be
happy, happy and alone i see
think of the sensation when your nose starts to bleed
Track Name: morel compass
how could i believe you
your hatred grows like mushrooms
treat us like we're people
you treat us like a fungus

how could she believe you
perjury just deceives you
i hope your family leaves you
to rot in hell
no respect
no respect
no respect
not even a moral compass
no respect
no respect
only my moral compass
Track Name: wipe my mouth
i felt like i was pushed against the wall
it’s just not a part of me i think about
it’s something that i barely touch at all
don’t ask me if i’d ever eaten toothpaste

i only wanted to melt
bring me back to the green and grey
tell me what i don’t think to say
you can’t ruin another day

i only wanted to stop feeling
now i kinda know my feelings
and i still don’t know my feelings
but i learn to love my feelings

i know that i don’t own this house
and i’ll probably never own a house
but at least i have my own belongings

and i don’t need to wipe my mouth
and you don’t tell me what to do
i wash my eyes when i get home and wait

and i hope you never change
you don’t have to change for me
and i might not be the one for you
but i will always be a friend of yours
i think i’d rather sleep on the floor
everybody knows that i’m a body full of blood

we can dream together
and our bodies will turn into liquid together

i know that i don’t own this house
and i’ll probably never own a house
but at least i have my own belongings

and i don’t need to wipe my mouth
and you don’t tell me what to do
i wash my eyes when i get home and wait

there’s an eyelash to wish on
and it’s stuck between my teeth
and i’m scared of crashing cars
cause everybody knows that i
would simply fall apart
Track Name: strathcona pt ii (dreamwalking)
if you feel safe
and warm
and comforted
and you don't feel alone
your emotions
aren't your own
then you'll know
that you're
dreamwalking

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